Habitually absent

I’m the friend you see four times a year. Though I’m quite social, I very rarely crave company. Friends for me are people whom I’m very fond of, and whose company I enjoy, and who exist as constancies.

That’s a roundabout way of saying that I’m appalling at relationship maintenance. This isn’t something I think about too often. It’s gotten me in trouble before, and it will probably do so again, but luckily most of my friends know me well enough to know that it’s just the way I tick. Better yet, a lot of them are like me.

While I muse, here are some pretty flowers I saw by the train station the other day.

While I muse, here are some pretty flowers I saw by the train station the other day.

Case in point: I ran into one of my oldest friends the other day. I hadn’t spoken to her in two years, hadn’t hung out with her in maybe five. We swapped numbers and met up for coffee. We chatted for several hours. It was really lovely.

We might catch up again these holidays. That’d be nice. But we might both forget to entirely.

Aren't they lovely? I love spring.

Aren’t they lovely? I love spring.

I do miss people. I’ll seek people out and arrange things, et cetera. I just don’t have that internal must-catch-up urge that other people have described to me. There’s no clock in my head. Unless I decide I don’t like someone, friendships don’t time out.

I figure people are mostly self-sufficient. Friendships are brilliant, bright additions – but generally, everyone does their growing on their own.

I get distracted and over-focussed in stuff, and habits fall through. Sometimes blogging is one of them. Besides, I’ve done a bit of growing of my own recently.

Some milestones have been shifted, some new goals have become a little more concrete, and other old plans have gotten a lot hazier. I’ll get to all that soon.

This was never going to be a cohesive little corner of the internet. I don’t mind that. It’s turning into a much better reflection of my thoughts and interests, and I find it much more worthwhile as a result. There’s no point pursuing something hollow. Better over-full – don’t you think?


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