A short list of things to do when comforting someone with their first gay crush

1. Let them buy another acid-coloured strawberry margarita.

2. Allow them to tell you stories about how lovely she is.

3. Remind them that they thought they were straight once too.

4. Buy them another acid-coloured strawberry margarita.

5. Point out that it’s a question of whether this girl deserves them, and not vice versa.

6. Point out that waiting for someone to notice is a lot harder than telling them and dealing with their reply.

7. Take them for pizza and banish the word ‘calories’.

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